Matthew Dort

Well, it's been an exceptionally good year for me. I generally detest reflecting on the past, but the last day of the year is always an exception to that rule.

This has been an intense year in my life: I've had some very dark moments, heavy frustrations and setbacks, frequent changes with work and family, and I found myself making tough choices that frankly astounded me, both in my ease in making them and my ability to deal with the consequences. It's also been a year of enormous personal growth for me, and the last half of the year has been dominated by a sense of unbridled freedom that I never realized was possible. This is the first full year in my life that I've truly felt alive; I know to the core that I'm a living, breathing human being with actual thoughts and passions, and I recognize and love the beauty of that.

I no longer even remotely feel that I'm inadequate or lacking, not good enough, or somehow need improvement. I know nothing of guilt or shame. I know I'm perfect exactly as I am, and the confidence and creativity that has come from that knowledge continues to amaze me. I wanted to create my own Web site to express my thoughts and share little pet projects, and I have. I wanted to learn Spanish beyond the trifling bit I learned in high school, and I am. This year I've read so many fascinating books, watched dozens of excellent films from around the world, and have immersed myself in a wide range of intriguing viewpoints about God, life, human beings, and how we all fit together.

I see so clearly now that there is so much more to life than the bill of goods that the human race has been sold, and to see so many people surrendering themselves to a paltry imitation of existence both saddens and angers me at times. Yet I'm also in awe of the tremendous love, knowledge and creativity that is clearly visible in people who choose to break free from the crowd and pursue the yearnings of their heart.

If you told me a few years ago that in 2011 I'd have completely walked away from the institution of Christianity, I would have never believed it, but here I am. If you told me then that I'd do that because, for whatever reason, God pulled back the curtain and revealed the depth of his heart and his love for me, I'd think you were crazy, but so it's happened. It can be a lonely place though, as I've learned. Solitude often seems to be the result when you follow your heart in a world full of people who have been trained to ignore their hearts completely. And that point leads me to the coming year.

There's been a lot of hype around 2012, most of it delivered in the typical package of fear and foreboding that people lap up like starving dogs. Here are my personal predictions for the coming year: the world will not end; there will be no rapture; Armageddon will not come upon us. A lot of religious lunatics and doomsday fanatics are gleefully hoping for some horrible calamity, war, famine, disease, pestilence, natural disaster, or anything else that seems remotely like God's judgment. Sure, we'll have some of that stuff, as the world always has, but I think anyone who expects 2012 to be a year marked by doom and gloom knows nothing about God's heart.

I do believe that 2012 will be a banner year in history. There may very well be negative events unfolding around us, yes, but I truly believe it will be a year when God begins to reveal his heart to people en masse, gathering us closer to him than ever. Many people will be astounded, and others repulsed, when they see what is truly inside God's heart: not judgment, not anger, not disappointment or revenge — just love. Love that will blow your mind with its simplicity and purity.

When you know the heart of love, everything else in the world is revealed for the lie it is. As people begin to understand God's love for them on a grand scale, churches will diminish in size and number, and many will cease to exist altogether. Many of our political, financial and business institutions will begin to crumble as people find the freedom and courage within themselves to break away from the lifeless beliefs and corrupt systems that enslave us. I think we could be standing on the brink of an epoch in time when people are awakened to the reality of what it means to be a human being, a time when many of us begin to genuinely love each other in unprecedented measure.

If you're anticipating God to mete out judgment and revenge, I think you'll be disappointed. This is a time when God is pouring out his love on us as he never has before. The world is not in need of judgment and peril; the world is desperately in need of love. In a world parched and depleted from generations of greed, excess, selfishness and fear, I believe God is preparing to sweetly saturate our hearts with love, one person at a time, from one person to another.

This is not a time to slavishly search the Bible or other books for answers; this is a time to listen to your heart, where God is speaking his love to you. This is not a time to look to other people for guidance or to seek their approval; this is a time to trust what your heart is saying is true, even if no one around you agrees with you, and have the courage to go your own way. This is a time for people to understand the incredible strength of the human soul, to understand that everything you need to truly live is already inside you, and always has been.

We may be in for a wild ride in the next year, and in the years to come. I'm not scared about it though; I'm excited, and I hope you are too. The world is changing as it never has before. There will be dark times, there will be frequent change, and there will be tremendous personal growth in the human race. Let's get going.

It hasn't been a bad year for music at all. The generic Euro dance sound continues to dominate the music scene (hell, even I can't resist the power of a good RedOne or David Guetta production), but there have still been plenty of top-notch and clever tunes. This "top 10" list actually has 11 songs, and, as usual, the songs in the highest spots are Xenomania productions, but it's an accurate reflection of my most played tracks this year. So without further ado, here are my favorite songs of 2011, with accompanying videos:

10. "On the Floor" — Jennifer Lopez ft. Pitbull

(Produced by RedOne)

9. "Love Love Love" — Avalanche City

8. "Lluvia de Estrellas" — JotDog

(Produced by Jorge "Chiquis" Amaro)

7. "City Boy" — Donkeyboy

6. "Glad You Came" — The Wanted

(Produced by Steve Mac)

5. "Judas" — Lady Gaga

(Produced by RedOne)

4. "Bounce" — Calvin Harris ft. Kelis

3. "Changed the Way You Kiss Me" — Example

(Produced by Michael Woods)

2. "Begging Me"/"I Took a Little Something" — Florrie

(Produced by Xenomania)

1. "All Fired Up" — The Saturdays

(Produced by Xenomania, Space Cowboy and MNEK)

So here's something I found cool: it turns out that tucked inside my old baby book were some Brazilian cruzeiros and Columbian pesos circa 1976, from the year my father went to South America on a mission trip. Guess the lucre is mine now. I wonder if it's worth anything?

Included with the plata are 2 "Via Aérea par Avion" envelopes affixed with stamps that read "Brasil 76" and "5,60". The envelopes were never mailed, but include a return address written in my father's hand: "C.P. 221 / 69.000 Manaus, Amazonas / Brazil, S.A."

One of the bills is marked with the signatures of several people my father presumably went on the trip with. The blue pen ink has faded somewhat, but you can still make out the meaningless well wishes and pointless Bible verse references that people always seem to write each other at the conclusion of religious excursions. I can imagine that everyone involved felt they had a life-changing spiritual experience in a distant land and would never be the same, never forget each other, blah blah blah. Closer to reality, of course, is that they returned to the vain comfort of American greed and excess, and promptly forgot each other within 6 months. Look, I'm a jaded idealist, so roll with me here.

There's a secret place inside of me though that hopes the discovery of this money is a special little sign of things to come. Perhaps someday soon I'll be able to begin exploring the rest of world out there. A man can dream, no? I can't do it on my own though.

I love my family. At some point yesterday, after I had been excessively drunk and festive (the picture to the left is of me hungover), I realized just how deeply and hotly my love for my family blazes inside of me; how much my cup of love spills over for them.

And who is my family? Five or 6 people who are my world, to varying degrees; the people who are entwined in the fabric of my heart.

Only 2 of the people I consider family are related to me by blood, and I realized afresh yesterday that, in my world, you're either my family or you're everyone else, and the distinction between the two is palpable.

If you are my family, know that my heart beats for you. You are my world and my passion, the reason for my being, and the revelation of life to my soul. Nothing can separate you from my heart, and even death will not sever the bond between us.

'Tis the season for good drinking, and I've been trying to perfect the Old Fashioned cocktail to my liking. The Old Fashioned is the grandaddy of cocktails — the genuine original — and as with most cocktails, there seem to be a thousand variations for making one. After some tasty trial and error, here's the best version I've cracked on so far:

Old Fashioned Cocktail

• 1/2 oz simple syrup
• 2 dashes Angostura bitters
• 2 oz rye whiskey
• Orange peel
• Cherry

Pour simple syrup in the bottom of the glass. Add a couple dashes of Angostura followed by the rye. Add ice to the glass and stir for several seconds. Cut a long piece of orange peel for garnish (I substitute tangerines because that's what I've got in the house). Top with a cherry.

"You will be called upon to celebrate some good news".

Hell yeah, putas y putos, I'll drink to that.

Fa la la la la. Today I present yet another holiday gift: Radium Springs in Albany, Georgia, featuring the most complete information online about the most cherished and beautiful spot in Albany, Georgia. Or at least it was before the springs began regularly drying up in recent years. Sigh.

The page is a gift for me as well because it is the 6th of my 8 planned pages on this site about places in Albany, Georgia, and that brings me great comfort and joy. Plus, I'm pretty damn proud of the page.

Well my lovely minxes, since you've been so nice lately (or is it naughty?) Daddy's added a few new pictures to the Vintage Signs in Albany, Georgia page, and there are also new additions to the Historic Structures in Albany, Georgia page and My Photographs page. That's right, you can call me Daddy.

Have I mentioned my new page, Leesburg, Georgia on a Sunday Afternoon? Yeah, it's about as awful as it sounds.

"The Christian church has left nothing untouched by its depravity; it has turned every value into worthlessness, and every truth into a lie, and every integrity into baseness of soul. Let any one dare to speak to me of its "humanitarian" blessings! Its deepest necessities range it against any effort to abolish distress; it lives by distress; it creates distress to make itself immortal…. For example, the worm of sin: it was the church that first enriched mankind with this misery!—The "equality of souls before God"—this fraud, this pretext for the rancunes of all the base-minded—this explosive concept, ending in revolution, the modern idea, and the notion of overthrowing the whole social order —this is Christian dynamite…. The "humanitarian" blessings of Christianity forsooth! To breed out of humanitas a self-contradiction, an art of self-pollution, a will to lie at any price, an aversion and contempt for all good and honest instincts! All this, to me, is the "humanitarianism" of Christianity!—Parasitism as the only practice of the church; with its anaemic and "holy" ideals, sucking all the blood, all the love, all the hope out of life; the beyond as the will to deny all reality; the cross as the distinguishing mark of the most subterranean conspiracy ever heard of,—against health, beauty, well-being, intellect, kindness of soul—against life itself….

This eternal accusation against Christianity I shall write upon all walls, wherever walls are to be found—I have letters that even the blind will be able to see…. I call Christianity the one great curse, the one great intrinsic depravity, the one great instinct of revenge, for which no means are venomous enough, or secret, subterranean and small enough,—I call it the one immortal blemish upon the human race…."

— The Antichrist by Friedrich Nietzsche

Cheery little text, especially for this time of year, no?

So…does buying more useless shit made in Chinese sweatshops, while mobbing the stores and roads to do so bring you closer to Jesus at Christmas? I'm afraid I don't understand you Americans and your backwards thinking.

"Shut up you godless socialist!" — My inner Bible Belter

I'm joking, of course. I have no inner Bible Belter.

O, Para Mi Regalo Este Año…

Todo quiero para Navidad es un dominio de español. Aprendar una lengua segunda es muy dificil.

"Si, claro." — el mundo

Well, I finally got around to adding the remaining images to my Postcards from Albany, Georgia page. Please grab an extra pair of underwear (if you wear underwear, that is), in case you poo yourself in excitement.

"Whoever sought for signs of an ironical divinity's hand in the great drama of existence would find no small indication thereof in the stupendous question-mark that is called Christianity. That mankind should be on its knees before the very antithesis of what was the origin, the meaning and the law of the Gospels–that in the concept of the 'church' the very things should be pronounced holy that the 'bearer of glad tidings' regards as beneath him and behind him–it would be impossible to surpass this as a grand example of world-historical irony."

— The Antichrist by Friedrich Nietzsche

There have always been distinct periods in my life. Some people refer to segments of their lives as chapters, suggesting some thread of connection; but mine are more like completely separate books. When I'm done with a specific time of my life it's over for good — tucked far away in a back corner of my mind — and I rarely glance back. In the last few years I've closed enough books in my life to fill a small shelf, and I'm certain I'm approaching the end of a few more.

The image shown here was taken by me in, I believe, late 2003, when I was 22. I found it not too long ago on a disc of files I had nearly forgotten about. I remember the day I snapped the picture: I took a little walk south of Americus, Georgia with a digital camera I was using for a job at the time. I remember the camera being bulky and kind of low quality, even in those early days of digital cameras, but it was the first time I used a camera to document my exploration of the world, and I was hooked. I took several pitiful pictures that day; this one was by far the best.

The picture was taken during a dark time in my life. Looking back, I feel like the picture captures something of the wanderlust gnawing at me then; a desire to break away from the shadowy confines of my reality. I remember that feeling awakened when I was about 18 or 19. I couldn't drive until I was 22, but nearly every day for 3 or 4 years I walked for hours on end, wandering miles and miles from home, desperate to feel anything that hinted of independence and freedom.

A couple years after I took this picture I entered an even darker time in my life. As an act of sheer survival I willed myself to make the best of it, often swiping my sister's camera to aid in the purpose. Since I had to walk 7 miles to work each day (no, seriously), I often wandered on little side journeys, taking pictures of what I discovered along the way. My goal then was to find hidden places and things that were beautiful and unique, a contrast to the utter misery I was living day-to-day. It's oddly fitting that I can recall specific dates and times of pictures that I took 5 or 6 years ago, yet struggle to remember much else about my daily life then. I can vividly recall the sadness and anger I felt though; sometimes it still haunts me.

In 2007 I finally shelled out big bucks (for me) on a camera of my own, which I've thoroughly worn out from overuse. In 2008 I sunk into an even darker period of my life, when I took to roaming the streets until 3 or 4 in the morning, snapping pictures of the city in darkness. If I was beat up or killed in the wee hours what would it matter? I was already dead inside. By 2009, as circumstances improved, I found myself boring of photography, and by 2010 my interest in it was all but dead. I find most of my images from that time to be derivative and lackluster.

But earlier this year I picked up my camera and began shooting pictures again, and quite furiously, I might add. I've become very well acquainted with myself in the last year, and to be honest, I'm quite delighted by my inner world. I no longer feel a need to search for beauty externally, and indeed I find much of the world outside myself to be dull and dismal. I believe many of my recent pictures reflect that feeling, starkly capturing with detached emotion the dark and unpleasant tedium of a world in decay, and for that reason I see them as the peak of my photographic ability. But now, I feel, it's time for my dalliance with photography to cease.

The thing about me and photography is that I've never really improved or seriously evolved. Most of my pictures are terrible, some are decent, and Photoshop takes care of the rest. I've never considered myself a photographer — more like a guy who fraudently poses as one — and my choice of subjects has changed very little over the years. I've also found that I'm not too keen on the limitations of a photograph. With an image you're forced to view one moment, a tiny fragment of time. You can totally fake a photograph because of that, painting a scene that simply doesn't exist in reality. And trust me, that's almost all I've ever done with photography: lie.

For the last year I've been longing to move into a new direction: filmmaking. I've got a few more small projects involving photography that I intend to finish soon, but when the new year rolls around, may plan is to begin creating movies. Knowing me, my films will likely be strange and quirky, dripping with oddity and ambiguity, but what of it? Perhaps I will be able to acheive something that more closely matches reality: a narrative or story, instead of a single, contrived moment. After all, life is more than a moment here, a moment there; it is instead an unfolding book, or many books, and I aim to reflect that.

Incidentally, is it possible to be further up one's own ass then I am right now?

"'Why is that when a fella ought to be just about mule-ass proof against sin, an' full up of Jesus, why is it that's the time a fella gets fingerin' his pants buttons?' … I says, 'Maybe it ain't a sin. Maybe it's just the way folks is. Maybe we been whippin' the hell out of ourselves for nothin'.' … 'The hell with it! There ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue. There's just stuff people do. It's all part of the same thing. And some of things folks do is nice, and some ain't nice, but that's as far as any man got a right to say.'

… I says, 'What's this call, this sperit?' An' I says, 'It's love. I love people so much I'm fit to bust, sometimes.' … I figgered, 'Why do we got to hang it on God or Jesus? Maybe,' I figgered, 'maybe it's all men an' all women we love; maybe that's the Holy Sperit-the human sperit-the whole shebang. Maybe all men got one big soul ever'body's a part of.' Now I sat there thinkin' it, an' all of a suddent-I knew it. I knew it so deep down that it was true, and I still know it."

— The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck

"When I look back upon my life/It's always with a sense of shame/I've always been the one to blame/For everything I long to do/No matter when or where or who/Has one thing in common, too/It's a sin"

— Pet Shop Boys

Christians are obsessed with sin. In fact, sin is the basis of the entire religion. Most Christians believe that the purpose of relationship with God is to a) be spared from the eternal fires of hell for your sin, and b) live a life committing fewer sins. Thus, Christians are, by necessity, incredibly sin-minded individuals. Sin is the giant elephant in the room that Christians fear. And of course, what you fear controls you.

I spent years of my life worrying about sin. Even though I subscribed to teachings that say God sees his children as saints and not sinners, I still kept a mental inventory of my sins because, well, most Christians mark a person's "spiritual growth" — whatever the hell that means — by the amount of sin in their lives. The closer to God you are, the less sin you have, or so the thinking goes. I now say that's hogwash.

I'm to the point now where I never think about sin in relation to my life. In fact, now that I understand God's love for me, I'm at a place where I'm even questioning its very existence. What if there is no sin?

Just by my questioning the existence of sin, most Christians would say I'm doomed to hell. Isn't that sad? But here's the thing: when you love someone, you don't see them as a sinner. You just don't. You see their heart. And when you love someone, you see the beauty of their heart. Now consider how God, who is Love itself, sees us. I'm convinced that when God looks at you, me, or anyone else, sin never enters the equation. It just doesn't. But has sin ever been part of the equation?

If you go back to the story of Adam and Eve, it's pretty clear that we humans were never intended to know a thing about sin. Adam and Eve's lives were completely free and innocent; they explored, created, discovered and loved. I'm convinced that God made us to be totally unaware of the existence of good and evil. As you might recall, however, the serpent in the Garden of Eden convinced Adam and Eve to eat the fruit of — what was it? — ah, yes, the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Suddenly their eyes were opened to the existence of sin, and the knowledge consumed them like a disease, so much so that they hid from God in shame.

Yet God's love for those two was evident. When Adam and Eve admitted to him that they were naked, he simply replied "Who told you that you were naked?" Then he sewed together clothing made of flesh to cover them — symbolic of his covering for all of us. Adam and Eve were forced to leave the garden because, in God's words, "The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil". Following that quirky little statement suggesting that God may not be as monotheistic as Christians believe (but that's another topic entirely), he noted that man "must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever." In other words, it was absolutely unthinkable to God for us to spend an eternity knowing good from evil. What if that's what "hell" actually is?

As Adam and Eve left the garden, God rattled off a list of fairly shitty things that would afflict them and all human beings to come as a result of their eating the fruit. I used to believe that he was cursing Adam and Eve for their wickedness, but now I don't see that at all. If you read the passage carefully, you'll note that God cursed the serpent, and he said that the ground was cursed because of Adam and Eve's actions, but he never said humans were cursed. I used to imagine God was fuming mad at Adam and Eve at that point, but now I don't see that either: he was warning them out of love about the difficulties to come, and I'm sure he was heartbroken about it.

I have serious doubts now about whether the story of Adam and Eve is factual, but I still think it's a beautiful allegory of the relationship between God, man and sin. But here's what I wonder at the moment: did God ever, even once, see Adam and Eve as sinners? Has God ever seen anyone as a sinner?

God's followers in the Old Testament had to make sacrifices to him for their sin. But were the sacrifices mean to appease God? I say no. In fact, I suspect that the act of sacrifice was completely unncessary to God. I think the sacrifices were probably meant to relieve the people of the guilt they felt from knowing that their lives didn't measure up to God's perfection — a knowledge they were never meant to have in the first place. In other words, the sacrifices were established so that the people could be comfortable enough to relate to God. And I can bet you that there were people living then who understood that. Do you think that every person who had a relationship with God in the Old Testament times made sacrifices to him? I doubt it.

Now let's consider the Ten Commandments and the Law. Has it ever occurred to anyone else that the Old Covenant law may have been a giant cosmic joke on God's part — a ridiculous listing of rules and regulations to show people that worrying about what's right and wrong is useless and has no bearing on their relationship with him? Just imagine being a parent, wanting to have a relationship with your children, yet they shy away from you because they're convinced that they're bad and don't measure up to your standards. You know they can't be perfect, and you never expected or even wanted them to be; you just want to be with them.

Maybe it's just me, but if I were in that situation, I'd probably reach the point where I'd say, "Fine, if you think you have to be perfect to have a relationship with me, here's an enormous list of rules for you to follow." If you consider it from that perspective, the fact that so much of Christianity is centered around conforming to behavioral standards is hilarious and saddening.

Incidentally, I suspect the reason why God is often portrayed as some sort of ruthless, vengeful tribal deity in the Old Testament is not because he had a great change of heart in the New Testament, but likely because the sin-minded people in Old Testament times wrongly perceived him as such. It's not much different from most Christians today. How you view God directly mirrors how you view your heart: if you see your heart as wicked and full of sin, you'll inevitably know God as a monster too.

It's also interesting that some people in the Old Testament seemed to instinctively know that the Law was useless and beneath them. David lived with abandon and broke every major commandment, yet he was called a man after God's own heart. Is it in God's heart to disregard the rules? I'm convinced it is. If fact, I think God delights in making a mockery of man's self-imposed religious rules, because the rules are heartless, insulting and discourage relationship with him. Also worth noting is when Jesus mentioned that God allowed Moses to change the law regarding divorce. Was the law really that important to God if he allowed changes to it? I suspect not.

And speaking of Jesus, let's consider what his death really accomplished. Jesus died as an offering to sin. If sin is as an all-consuming disease or affliction, Jesus offered himself as the antidote. It was the ultimate sacrifice, which I'm convinced was so that every human being could live freely in the expanse of love outside of the knowledge of good and evil.

But what should we make of it when Revelation refers to Jesus as the lamb who was slain from the foundation of the world? That suggests he already sacrificed himself to sin before the world began. How's that for a mindfuck? So if the sacrifice to sin was made before the dawn of humanity, has there ever been sin in the world, or is it all some bad memory or strange illusion, a false notion of the human mind?

Christianity is a religion of people consumed by morality and ethics. Many Christians talk about "raising the standard" and other meaningless concepts, painting some behaviors and actions as acceptable, and others as sinful. Christians are trained to see the world in terms of black and white — right vs. wrong, good vs. evil — yet isn't that the very mentality Jesus died to rid us of? How sad and twisted is it that the religion that bears Christ's name completely contradicts his reason for living?

What if the "good news" referenced in the New Testament is that there is no black and white, right or wrong, good vs. evil, and that we're all on the same playing field? What if we're all already good with God; that there's nothing separating us from relationship with him, and that he's already weaved himself into the fabric of our hearts, even before our conception?

When you genuinely love someone you believe in them — you believe in them completely. So if God loves the world, does he not believe in us also? Instead of the not-so-great Christian "news" that says you're a piece of shit but God will spare you from hell if you believe in him, wouldn't it be truly awesome news to hear that God already believes in you, and that he always has, even before the foundations of the world, and that nothing separates you from him, or ever has?

Most Christians believe that human beings are born as sinners, but I seriously question that now. Christianity teaches that people must be made aware of their inherent wickedness, convicted of their shortcomings, and then repent in order to be "saved". Allow me to poke some holes in that shit. Let's say there's a human baby raised by wolves who spends his entire life without human contact. Is he doomed to hell because he didn't learn about the concepts of "sin" and "salvation"? I seriously doubt it. And what of all the people in history who lived without any access to the teachings of Christ? Are they all in hell because they happened to live in the wrong place at the wrong time? I don't think so.

What if "salvation" is really just an unfolding revelation of the inherent goodness of our hearts, where God already dwells? What if, in fact, we already are perfect? That's exactly how you see a person you love. If there is such a thing as sin, I suspect that it's like a thick cloud of dust that prevents us from seeing the beauty of our own heart, even though God already sees and loves it.

I know this for certain: when you live in love it's all but impossible to see anyone as evil. You see hurt people, conflicted people, insecure people — but evil people? I haven't found anyone yet who I believe is wicked to the core. Is there anyone in the world consumed by sin? I have my doubts.

There are things that are beneficial, and there are things that are harmful. All humans knows that. And what if it's really that simple? What if none of our behaviors and actions are sinful, but are just things we do? Ultimately I believe that God's heart for us is this: that we live our lives freely and richly, secure in the deep assurance of his love and belief in us. And as for sin? I think it's a concept that should be as foreign to us as a creature from a distant planet.

"The majority of men prefer delusion to truth. It soothes. It is easy to grasp. Above all, it fits more snugly than the truth into a universe of false appearances–of complex and irrational phenomena, defectively grasped."

— H.L. Mencken in the foreword to The Antichrist by Friedrich Nietzsche

"…hatred of reasoning and hatred of mankind both spring from the same source. For hatred of mankind is produced in us from having placed too great reliance on some one without sufficient knowledge of him, and from having considered him to be a man altogether true, sincere, and faithful, and then, after a little while, finding him depraved and unfaithful, and after him another. And when a man has often experienced this, and especially from those whom he considered his most intimate and best friends, at length, having frequently stumbled, he hates all men, and thinks that there is no soundness at all in any of them. Have you not perceived that this happens so?"

"…Is it not a shame?" he said. "And is it not evident that such a one attempts to deal with men without sufficient knowledge of human affairs? For if he had dealt with them with competent knowledge, as the case really is, so he would have considered that the good and the bad are each very few in number, and that those between both are most numerous."

"…all things that exist…are in a constant state of flux and reflux, and never continue in any one condition for any length of time."

— Socrates quoted in Phaedo by Plato

When you come into the knowledge that you're completely loved and secure in God, you find yourself questioning everything. I think I've mentioned that a few times before…

As I've been questioning everything around me for the last year, I've even been poking my head into things that I once considered evil and forbidden. Case in point: horoscopes. I know some Christians would consider me bound to hell for that, but do you seriously think I care? Growing up in the church I often heard that horoscopes are a dangerous occultic tool of Satan. I've heard Christians refer to them as "horrorscopes" on more than one occasion.

Sidenote: Is it just me, or are Christians and right-wing Republicans single-handedly responsible for the practice of lamely distorting words and names to assert their beliefs (E.g. "Nobama", "Lamestream media", "sheeple", "Hollyweird", etc.)? Is there a proper term for that unfunny, idiotic practice? I digress.

Back around May or June I visited a few daily horoscope sites as part of my job, and they stirred my curiosity. Hey, I'd like to know what my future holds just as much as the next person, and what if there really is something to the notion that our lives are determined by the stars? Even the "wise men" who visited Jesus were astrologers who learned of his birth by the stars, so how Bible-fearing Christians can completely dismiss the idea out of hand is somewhat odd to me.

After digging around a little, what I've learned about astrology and horoscopes is not that it's dangerous or evil, but that it's mostly useless and insulting. It consists of people who look at charts and patterns based on the date of your birth and then give you their interpretation of what your life holds. These people will often suggest certain actions you should take or attitudes to adopt in order to achieve the best outcome, as if the course of your life is dependent on a chart of stars and planets that can be slightly manipulated to your advantage.

It's not much different than people who slavishly consult the Bible to determine how to act or what choices to make in life, or even worse, as a tool to predict specific events or outcomes. It's all divination, and none of it involves the heart. If you only have to read a horoscope or study the Bible to find the answers to life, why the hell do you need God?

Of course I'm aware that God can and does use the Bible to reveal his heart to people, but I don't believe it's his preferred method, and I'm sure he speaks to people's hearts through astrology too. In my experience, God can and will reveal himself to us through anything he wants, no matter how taboo we consider it. You don't hear many people testifying that God spoke to their heart while they were jerking off to porn, but I can guarantee you it's happened to someone somewhere.

I'll say this about a lot of the astrologers out there: they are a very optimistic, encouraging bunch of folks, and most seem very sincere. Many of them would be well suited as motivational speakers. I've rarely heard or read any horoscopes that weren't upbeat and cheerful. But that doesn't exactly reflect real life, does it? That is, however, the kind of talk that gets you more paying customers. So cynical, aren't I?

I've also noticed that most horoscope readings are exceedingly vague and could apply to just about anyone ("This month should be very busy for you"…"A lingering situation will soon make itself known again."…"You will be looking at an old problem from a new perspective." Wow, ya think?).

I went to a site that produced a life chart for me based on my birth date, and I have to admit that it seemed incredibly accurate. What if there really is some sort of general destiny placed on our lives based on the exact date and time of our birth? That'd be kind of cool. But then again, why the hell would God have given me a free will if my life was already mapped out for me? That doesn't sit well with me.

What I do know is that most daily, weekly and monthly horoscopes are almost always inaccurate. In my mind they're a complete waste of time. And just how ridiculous is the notion that everyone born in the same month would be having the exact same sort of things happening to them at the same time? I was born in July (Yeah, I'm a Cancer, bitches), and having known several other people born in July, I can assure you that idea is false. It also suggests that God just cosmically paints our lives in broad strokes.

Again, it's not much different from Christians who seem to believe that God works the same way in every person's life, even pointing to the Bible to show how God will work in your life based on how he worked in another person's life thousands of years ago. It's an insult to each person's heart and their individual relationship with God.

In a similarly useless vein is the study of personality types. The popular Myers-Briggs system lumps all people in the world into one of 16 personality preferences (I'm an uber-rare INFJ; you may tremble in awe). The system is used as a tool to understand a person's thought processes and motivations, but the danger is that you begin to see people as predictable types, not as individuals. I've found that controlling people love shit like that, by the way, because if you can convince a person that they belong in a certain category, they can be easily controlled and manipulated.

And that to me is the ultimate horror of all these systems we devise in an attempt to control our lives: their aim is to strip us of our uniquness and individuality and conform us to someone else's standards. That is why our world is descending into chaos. But I'm convinced that we're living in a time when God is practically screaming at our hearts, speaking the sweet words of love and security that we need to break away from the death of conformity and live freely as human beings.

Forget astrology, forget the Bible, forget what anyone else tells you. What is God speaking to you and your heart?

Today I'm somewhat pleased to announce the soft opening (that's a fun term, isn't it?) of the 5th page on this site related to Albany, Georgia, entitled Postcards from Albany, Georgia. Explains itself, doesn't it? This is a soft opening because there are a few more images I have to add to the page, which I will get to eventually if I don't die of boredom first.

As you may recall, there are 8 pages I've been planning that are related to Albany, Georgia, meaning there are 3 more on the way. Please don't wet yourself with excitement.