Matthew Dort

I detest the past, yet it haunts me like a spectre. The future represents hope and promise, and is the way of life and truth; the past represents death. If I'm not moving forward — growing and changing — I die. It's just that simple. Yet sometimes as I'm pushing forward, the past stands in my path like a leering predator in a trenchcoat, hoping to deter me with its accusatory taunts. And that's what the past is: an accuser. Satan — or whatever the entity of evil is that is afoot in the world — dwells in the realm of the past, wielding blame and accusation to thwart the future. I won't join that world.

I'm drunk, so drunk. Don't give a shit about nothing, I'm drunk. Fuck everyone and everything, the only thing I want is another drink. Hey de hi, hey de ho. Ha. Fuck-a-luck. So drunk, drunk, drunk.

"It's procreation, and nothing more." — Girls Aloud

"Don't ever look back." — Katy Perry

"Keep moving forward." — Don Draper

"Get outta my way. Got no more to say." — Kylie Minogue

A question from late night work: Why does every amateur singer performing a cover song on YouTube begin the video by saying "Hey guys"? A fascinating insight into the human tendency to seek conformity, no?

Meanwhile, I'm becoming a serious fan of JotDog, el mejor pop band in México. Their latest single, which I much like, is below. Best letra de la canción: "Fui el accidente de tu corazon".

"Turista del Amor" – JotDog

(Producido por Jorge "Chiquis" Amaro)

Hoy es el Día del Amor y Amistad, pero no tengo un amigo secreto. Así es la vida.

The grand adventure of life is calling. Do you hear it yet? There's so much change afoot right now, and it's gaining momentum. Keep in mind that with the bad always comes the good: In the presence of loss and suffering, love appears, striking at the insidious heart of fear.

Also know that God does not punish; rather, God pours out his love and reveals his heart in the midst of pain. Death is natural and essential to life. Tragedy is at times the result of chance, and sometimes the result of poor human choices. Either way, it is not punishment. If you've been told otherwise, you've been sold a lie.

On a lighter note, check out my newly updated page for A Sunday Afternoon in Decatur, Georgia, with colorful new pictures from a Sunday morning in Decatur when I was hungover from too much mezcal and Mexican beer. Yep, yep.

I woke up insanely in love with the world and its people this morning. To share my passion for humanity I offer the following video, which contains — let's be honest — one of the finest and most profoundly human songs created in this generation.

As promised, clips from Avonlea are below. Back in 1989 my family received our first VCR, and being poor and still holding onto insane religious beliefs that shunned the use of video stores, we often checked out videos from the local library. The library's limited collection contained mostly old films and Disney titles, and between repeat viewings of Gone With the Wind and Mary Poppins, I got hooked on the movies Anne of Green Gables and Anne of Avonlea, based on the novels by Lucy Maud Montgomery.

I watched those two movies so much I had whole chunks of their scripts memorized, and when The Disney Channel was added to our cable system in 1990, I was ecstatic to learn that an entire series based on the town of Avonlea had just debuted. Avonlea, or Road to Avonlea as it was called in Canada, was produced by Kevin Sullivan, the same man behind the Anne movies. Only 2 characters from the movies were in the show: Rachel Lynde, played by Patricia Hamilton, and in the first 2 seasons, Marilla Cuthbert, played by Colleen Dewhurst, who died in 1991.

Avonlea was based on Lucy Maud Montgomery's books The Story Girl, The Golden Road, Chronicles of Avonlea and Further Chronicles of Avonlea. By "based", I mean the show took characters from the first 2 books, which weren't even set in Avonlea, and plopped them into storylines from the other 2 books. I know that because I read all of them.

I should also point out here that between the ages of 10 and 11 I bought the entire set of Anne of Green Gables novels — 8 in all. I clearly remember going to the old Waldenbooks in the Albany Mall and buying the collection (Where did I get money from then? I didn't have an allowance. Maybe it was from birthdays and holidays.) Kids today read books like Harry Potter; back then I read Edwardian-era Canadian fiction.

I was hooked on the Mickey Mouse Club, of course, but I may have been even more enamored with Avonlea, and for years I dreamed of one day traveling to Candada and visiting Prince Edward Island, where the show was set. I was later disappointed to learn that the show was mostly shot on a rural set in Ontario, albeit near the town where Lucy Maud Montgomery lived for 10 years after moving from her native PEI.

I'm not sure which is more strange to consider though: that there was a time not so long ago when period costume dramas were produced for children's television, or that I was a child who voraciously consumed that stuff as if my life depended on it. My family always danced on the edge of poverty, and we had to have our cable cut off multiple times in the early 90s. During the times when we did have cable access though, I eagerly caught up on Avonlea repeats.

Much like the Anne movies before it, the show was well-crafted, endearingly warm and utterly charming. It originally focused on Sara Stanley, her cousins Felix and Felicity King, and the King family, although it evolved over time to include an enormous cast of supporting characters, many of which were invented for the show.

Sarah Polley, who played Sara Stanley, publicly derided the show and clashed with executives of The Disney Channel over her outspoken political opinions. She finally left in the 5th season. After that the show shifted its focus to the stories of previously unseen townspeople, abandoning any remaining fidelity to the books, and I lost all interest. I'm sure the fact that I was 13 or 14 and entering high school at that point played a big part too. Yes, little Matthew was growing up.

Below I have 3 videos of my favorite opening titles for Avonlea, which aired from 1990 to 1996 on The Disney Channel:

Avonlea – Season 1 Opening (1990)

Avonlea – Season 3 Opening (1992)

Avonlea – Season 5 Opening (1994)

I started throwing out more of my stuff the other night. I'm sick of stuff — hate it with a passion, in fact. The more stuff you have, the more confined and constricted you are, and the more your soul is raped of its essence and purity.

I learned about The Minimalists this week, and I'm hooked on their site. For 2 average American guys, just about my age, to realize that the lies of materialism and consumption were destroying their lives, and then to actually do something about it by learning to live with less, is both encouraging and inspiring.

I've always been a minimalist at heart, but now I'm ready to shed even more of my "trappings". Appropriate term, no? I've started throwing out a lot of old paperwork and product manuals (no loss there), but the first big step is that I'm ditching all my old CDs. The last CD I bought was in 2009, and I'm tired of those flimsy plastic saucers cluttering up my space. I've got my trusty old iPod, and if music ain't in mp3 format, I don't want it. I'm also ready to throw out all my DVDs (I never watch them), and I've got a pile of dusty books that are destined for the trash too. Honestly, I just want to invest in a cheap Kindle and forget paper books for good. I've also determined to eventually get rid of TV altogether. I never watch live TV except for the evening news, and I can easily watch that online. I already watch everything else online, mostly through Netflix, so why the hell do I need a TV?

I swear I'm not donning a tinfoil hat here, but I'm to the point where I believe that TV and the Internet (and video games, but I lost interest in those when I was about 12) are luring human beings into a dull, complacent stupor that distracts us from the reality of life and the truth about ourselves. And the sad thing is, we want to be distracted, because we've been led to believe that the truth about us is that we're hideous and lacking.

But the simple truth is that we're already good enough, and that everything we will ever really need in life is already inside of us. Unfortunately, the lie sold to us by religion and business interests is so much more compelling to an increasingly insecure world: that we are inherently flawed and unworthy; that what we have isn't enough. We've been convinced that we need more — more of something that we don't already have. That's the belief that keeps churches and economies running, and it's dead wrong.

My hope is that by living with less I can focus even more on the things that really matter: the things of my heart. I don't want to be restricted by money worries, debt, or a huge pile of shit that I don't know what to do with. Someday if I want to pack a bag and travel the world, I want to have the freedom to do so. If someone close to me is in need, I want the time and money to be able to give to them generously. I want the freedom to do what's always been inside me: to explore, learn, study and create. I want to be me, fully engaged in life with a whole heart and mind, with nothing holding me down. The bottom line is that there is no life in possessions, and the pursuit of material gain is death.

So apparently Christina Aguilera didn't recognize her old fellow Mouseketeer Tony Lucca on The Voice the other night. Tsk tsk, Christina. But to be fair, he looks a lot different now. Yes, I admit it: I was an MMC fan. Actually, I was flippin' obsessed with it from about 1990 to 1994. Nickelodeon had Roundhouse and later All That, but as with many things on Nickelodeon at the time, I found those programs vastly inferior imitations of the better Disney product.

My obsession with The Disney Channel in the early 90s contributed a great deal to that bizarre period from 2003 to 2005 when I ran the largest unofficial Disney Channel fan site on the Web. Consequently I know more about Disney Channel history (well, it was officially titled The Disney Channel from 1983 to 1997), and the business of children's television than any sane person has a right to know. But getting emails from angry screenwriters, meddling child star parents/managers, and a member of the Hannah Montana cast (not Miley) were certainly perks of that time. Yeah, I've had a weird life.

Needless to say, I've included videos below of my favorite opening titles from The All-New Mickey Mouse Club/MMC, which ran from 1988 to 1994. I'm not one of these people who looks back on that time with rose-colored glasses: in hindsight, the show was shit, as was most of the crap on Disney and Nickelodeon in the 80s and 90s. The shows today are really no worse, despite what wistful 20 and 30-something year-olds say on YouTube. And frankly, if adults still enjoy the crap they watched as tweens, there might be a slight issue with stunted mental growth.

What's amazing when looking back at MMC clips, though, is seeing all the names that went on to bigger things: Christina, Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Ryan Gosling, JC Chasez, Keri Russell. Oh, and in the early days Jason Priestley and Shannen Doherty of later 90210 fame starred in Teen Angel and The Secret of Lost Creek, two live-action serials that aired within the show.

Most of my favorites members back in the day were ones that had been there for years: Lindsay, Jennnifer, Josh, Chase, Marc and Damon. I have to say that I never really "got" The Party, the odd hip-hop/dance/pop music group that spun off from the show, although I loved all the music videos by the MMC cast, mostly because they were shot on location around Walt Disney World, which seemed like Shangri-La to me at the time. And as for the adult members, I thought Fred's presence on the show was sort of odd (he seemed so old), and I preferred Mowava over Terri.

The only thing I strongly recall about Tony Lucca was that they showed him shirtless a lot during the Emerald Cove serial, which I found odd because he had more chest hair than many middle-aged men. Those were the days before they began waxing every male form that appears on screen.

Anyhow, the obligatory videos are below. If you think this is bad, wait until I drag out the Avonlea clips.

The All-New Mickey Mouse Club – Season 1 Opening (1988)

Mickey Mouse Club – Season 4 Opening (1991)

Mickey Mouse Club – Season 6 Opening (1993)

MMC – Season 7 Opening (1994)

I'm addicted to this song at the moment. The sound is like dance-flavored crack, and although I rarely give a crap about lyrics, they're quite apropos for the present time yo creo.

"Friends" – Sneaky Sound System

(Produced by Black Angus)

Am I the only one who feels as though the world is shifting forward at light speed into some unknown realm reminiscent of a Twilight Zone episode or The Day the Earth Stood Still? I have no fear about the future, but I can't shake this feeling of urgency, as if every moment of life in the coming weeks or months carries tremendous significance as the world builds up to… something, although I have no idea what it could be.

I believe the one message to us at this time is both simple and deeply complex: we have to begin loving each other. Listen to the whispering wind closely and you can hear it. We have to remember again that we — human beings — belong to each other. Forget the inane walls and divisions we place between ourselves for self-protection. That is the way of destruction and death. But the way of life, where God reveals himself to us, is only found in the love between human beings.

It's as if the world, after many long years of drifting away from its source of life, has begun spinning back by compulsion into the bosom of God. Those who fear life will fiercely resist that change, but those who follow the shifting rhythm and choose to love will witness the full glory of life in unprecedented measure.

As my interest in all things related to Albany, Georgia wanes, I feel it's an appropriate time to include some thoughts, with related videos (naturally), about a notable Albany entity: WALB-TV.

WALB is the local NBC/ABC affiliate in Albany and is an institution in southwest Georgia — there's just no other word for it. The station began in 1954 and was owned by James H. Gray, a Massachusetts Yankee who was then editor and publisher of The Albany Herald, and the owner of WALB Radio (now WALG), and was later mayor of Albany for 12 years, when, among other things, he spearheaded the development of the Liberty Expressway, the Albany Mall, and the Albany James H. Gray Civic Center, which is named in his memory. There's a fascinating film clip of Gray lashing out against the Albany civil rights movement in 1962, when he stated emphatically that "Albany will never, never make a deal with deceit" — a bit of irony if you know anything about either him or the city.

Sidenote: It's worth mentioning that although Albany has always been an insular community wary of outsiders, 3 Yankee businessmen were largely responsible for major chunks of its development: Nelson Tift, the city's founder, was from Connecticut; Judge Francis Flagg Putney, from Massachusetts, was once the largest landholder in Dougherty County, and largely funded the establishment of a local hospital, which was named for his mother Phebe. Today Phoebe [sic] Putney Memorial Hospital is the single largest employer and landowner in Dougherty County. Then there was James H. Gray and his local media empire, of which WALB was the crown jewel.

WALB — popularly known as "Channel 10" — has long enjoyed one of the highest market shares of any local TV station in the country, due in large part to the fact that, until the local FOX affiliate WFXL-TV debuted in 1988, WALB was the only TV station in the Albany area, and in the days of analog broadcasting, Channel 10 boasted the farthest-reaching signal in the region. For many people growing up in southwest Georgia, Channel 10 was the sole viewing option for decades. When my family moved to rural Sumter County in 1989, our TV antenna picked up the public television station from Dawson, a fuzzy WFXL, WTVM in Columbus if the weather was good, and always without fail, a crystal-clear WALB.

WALB is also unique, in part, because of the familiarity of its news team, headed by Dawn Hobby, who began at the station in 1988, and Ben Roberts, who started at the station in 1991. Chief meteorologist since 1996 is the graceful and ageless Yolanda Amadeo, who unfortunately has never mastered the TelePrompTer; and sports director Robert Hydrick, who began at the station in 1985, is notable for his ever-receding hairline. The vivacious host of WALB's long-running morning show Today in Georgia is Karla Heath-Sands, who has been with the station since 1997, while Jim Wallace, with his distinctive drawl, and Ruthie Garner, with her ever-changing array of hairstyles, have been fixtures of the station since 1976 and 1983, respectively. The remainder of the on-air team consists of mostly young and inexperienced names that tend to come and go quickly, although there are exceptions.

WALB firmly solidified its reputation as south Georgia's most invaluable news source during the deadly flooding that hit the Americus and Albany area on July 6, 1994 (my 13th birthday), when the station provided unprecedented 24-hour news coverage for days. In March 2007, when a string of tornadoes descended on the area and destroyed much of nearby Americus, WALB's entire weather and news teams remained on air until the next morning.

After operating exclusively as an NBC affiliate for 3 decades, WALB launched a new ABC station, WALB-DT2, in April 2011, with newscasts airing simultaneously on both channels. The station has changed its on-air look and reporting style significantly in recent years, matching the breathless, fast-paced tenor typical of most local news broadcasts at present. The name of the newscast was changed to WALB News 10 in 2004, but plenty of locals still refer to it as "NewsCenter 10", its previous, long-held title. The quality and accuracy of WALB's reporting can be debated, but its ability to reach the widest possible audience is undeniable. It even has satellite newsrooms in Thomasville and Valdosta, 60 and 90 miles from Albany, respectively.

And now follows an orgy of related videos.

The first video below contains Newscenter 10 promos from about 1990, when I was 9. Mesha Chance, a former weekend anchor, reports on a kidnapping and murder in Cordele and a child molestation case in Ashburn, with a tone that suggests the events were perhaps comparable to a local parade or flower show. That was just a couple years after Albany's 27 murders in 12 months gave it the dubious title of "Murder Capital of America" in 1988. Nothing like the good ol' days, eh?

WALB NewsCenter 10 Promos

This second video contains several clips of NewsCenter 10 in 1995, a year after the Flood of '94 and shortly after the Oklahoma City bombing. It all seems strangely quaint now, but the newscast is exactly as I remember it. A baby-faced Ben Roberts was busy perfecting his now-trademark "concerned eyebrow" but still managed to sneak in an occasional laugh or impish grin. Dawn Hobby could still move her eyebrows, yet appeared strangely sedate and blasé, typical of her demeanor at the time. In recent years Dawn has affected a more lively presentation style, while Ben (who, incidentally, lives 3 doors down from me) has acquired an appropriate amount of gravitas and graying hair.

All the characterstics of the WALB I remember from my youth are there: the jaunty elevator-style theme music, awkwardly missed cues, bad audio feeds, downtown Albany's then-new Government Center in the background, oh, and the legends that were Gil Patrick and Ducky Wall.

I must delineate: Donald "Ducky" Wall was the long-time sports director at WALB and had multiple chins to prove it. He retired in 2001, lost a good deal of weight, and became a sports instructor at Darton College. I saw him in Publix a while back and he looked great.

Marvin Conrad Gilpatrick, who took the stage name Gil Patrick, was, in retrospect, the man. He was a fixture at Channel 10 for decades, delivering the weather for the 5:30 p.m., 6:00 p.m. and 11:00 p.m. broadcasts on weekdays, in addition to hosting Today in Georgia in the mornings. He was, by all accounts, a fiesty and temperamental man, with multiple marriages to prove it, but his glib on-air style was a joy to watch. He died in 1996 at the age of 63. God bless him.

The video below includes Gil drawing names for the "Check Us Out" Sweepstakes drawing, which I clearly remember entering. You had to watch WALB at specific times, and if your name was picked on air you had 10 minutes to call the station and claim your prize. I entered the names of one of my parents (can't remember which) because you had to be 18 to enter. We never won. Damn it.

Also worth noting is that Kristina Abernathy was starting out as a weekend weather bunny on WALB around that time. Kristina went on to be a popular fixture on The Weather Channel for many years, but not before she had some obvious coaching to remedy the thick accent she used in her Channel 10 days. Before my voice changed I did an excellent impression of Kristina: "Haws in the nonnies next week…".

WALB NewsCenter 10 Elements – 1995

Here we have the endearing Ruthie Garner in a promo for Town & Country, which was a midday talk show on Channel 10, but has now been absorbed into an hour-long noon newscast. I can still remember some of Ruthie's hideous hairstyles from back in the day, and I especially remember the lovely old Town & Country opening featuring scenes from around Albany. I wish someone had that online.

Town & Country Promo with Ruthie Garner

Finally we have footage from the day WALB's broadcasting tower fell in 2006. The original towers for WALB and WFXL were located 150 feet from each other in a field outside Doerun, about 20 miles southeast of Albany. On June 1, 2006 a Chinook helicopter from Hunter Army Airfield crashed into the WFXL tower, killing 4 soldiers. What remained of the WFXL tower was destroyed by a controlled explosion 6 days later, which was broadcast live on WALB.

Because of the towers' close proximity, one of the wires from the falling tower wrapped around a wire from the WALB tower, causing it to tumble as well. Roughly 10 percent of WALB's viewing audience lost the station's signal as a result, but a combined megatower for WALB and WFXL was built in the same spot and began transmitting in 2007. It's stories like that should let you know that Albany, Georgia is a very weird place.

WALB & WFXL Towers Fall – June 7, 2007

What a difference a year makes. I remember this week in 2011 clearly. The weather was miserable and I was freezing my ass off. I listened to the Richard X remix of Patrick Wolf's "The City" on repeat the entire week, and on the 2nd I interviewed for a part-time cosmetics merchandising position that covered all Wal-Mart, Target and K-Mart stores within a 75-mile radius. Hell, I just wanted an excuse to get out of town for a while, even if I had to stock makeup to do it. I got the rejection email 4 weeks later.

I also spent a lot of time that week at the hunting plantation my mother worked at for a few months before it was sold. The lodges at the plantation contained hundreds — if not thousands — of bottles of every conceivable form of liquor, and that was when I first began experimenting with any drink I could get my hands on, and getting pleasantly wasted in the process. That was also when I discovered my love for scotch. I've still got 5 bottles of scotch that I took from the plantation sitting in my liquor cabinet — the last reminders of a time in my life that will never be repeated.

Of course, I remember being frustrated then, too. There were so many things I wanted to do, and it seemed like all of my ideas were impossible. As I had been itching to do for many years, I wanted to start growing my own vegetables, but I didn't have the money for the seeds and soil. I wanted to make my first movie, and I actually shot the first scene, but it didn't come together like I expected. I felt a desperate longing to drive aimlessly down the rural backroads of southwest Georgia, but my car was broken and I didn't have the money for gas anyway. As I have been dreaming about since I was about 18, I wanted to buy a bicycle and ride it all over the place instead of having to walk, but again, I had no money to do so.

Well, for the first time in my life I actually have a little money, and that excites me. My first vegetable seeds arrived today and I'm going to start my garden this weekend. Within a couple of weeks I'll be shooting — and hopefully completing — that film I first started planning a year ago. After nearly 2 years without a working vehicle, I should be getting my car fixed soon, and then I plan on tearing up those backroads, filming what I see along the way for a series of travelogues. And yep, this may even be the year I can finally afford a bicycle. I don't need anything fancy, just something to get me around — and considering that gas prices will likely hit record highs in a few months, that may be a smart idea from a financial standpoint.

I'm not materialistic. In fact, I consciously try to live with as few posessions as possible, and I regularly thin out my "belongings" (such a hideous term; as if posessions are part of a person). The idea of an ascetic lifestyle, living with as few posessions as possible, is highly appealing to me, and that's something I may actively pursue in the coming years. I do have a deep desire to explore, grow and create, however, and unfortunately, that often takes a little cash.

Well, now I finally have a little cash on my hands, so I might as well pursue as many of those long-held dreams as I can while I can afford them, no? My life has frustrations and setbacks and disappointments, as always, but you know what? I'm finally getting to do things I wanted to do for years, and for that reason, it's a great time to be alive. Está bien!